My Angel - Phan - Dan's POV
by XxPuzzleshippingxX
Summary: WARNING! Suicide involved and character death, self harm and very depressing so if you don't like that stuff then DON'T READ THIS! Phil dies in a tragic accident and Dan can't live without him.


This was the day; this is the last time I am going to be away from you. It's been so painful, so unbearable. I don't even know how I lasted this long, some sort of miracle has occurred that I have continued living my wasteful existence in solitude, wallowing in my own self-pity. The dark can be so terrifying and I never noticed it before, maybe it's because when you were here with me. Your slender body fit so well between my arms, your gentle breathing and soft heartbeat, the beautiful signs of life. You were alive, in my arms and I loved you. You are the most stunning shining star I have ever seen, your cute glasses for your early morning routines, your silky raven hair which seemed to fall into place perfectly, blue orbs of crystal heaven which I could stare at all day and that laughter which sounded like sweet music to my ears. Everything about you is perfect, even in death you looked beautiful. Your mangled limbs were torn and destroyed, blood stains from the cloth which covered your delicately tainted body. The tires were still indented in your pale flesh, the stupid dickhead which was speeding so fast that he never noticed the angel which stepped out into the road at just the wrong time. The person who smashed into your tall form, ragdoll corpse flew over the bonnet and landed on the cold hard concrete, that life taker could have helped, but no.

They just drove away and left you to die.

If I ever saw that person which took your precious life away, I would send them to hell and back. I don't care if they were a middle aged man with a family or a young women with a successful career, I would kill them. I would take away the existence that killed my angel and separated you from me. Those eyes which would never shine again, those lips which I would never kiss again and the voice which I would never hear again, they were all destroyed.

My time was almost up; I needed to leave your cold form alone. My tanned hand touched your cheek which seemed to still radiate a pure feeling, even though it wasn't warm anymore, your face was still soft. Closed lids and blue tinted lips, you looked peaceful but I knew you were in pain. That collision must have been so excruciating, when your battered body was being drained of life on the concrete road, ambulance sirens and frantic voices was what you heard. I was there by your side, grasping your hand in the hospital bed. Trying desperately to give you some sort of power to survive but I was useless when your heart decided to stop. The deafening beep of death ringed in my head and I screamed out for it not to be true. Doctors pushed me aside as they tried desperately to bring you back. That was the worse ten minutes of my life. Tears stained my cheeks, I was praying to anyone listening to rescue my dying angel. Every effort was useless as my lovers poor heart gave up, there was nothing that could have been done, I know that now but I didn't back then. The pain was imbedded in my soul from that very day and the last few months have been the worst. I have had help to get me over my loss, they are nice people who are good at their jobs but they can't help me.

I have fallen into the abyss. I can't live without you.

They said it would be ok, the pain and trauma would subside. No. Phil Lester was my other half, my light which helped me to shine and find my way. The happiness in my life and the rock to lean on, and the person I knew I would spend the rest of my life with. But he was taken away.

Now was the time to go. I don't know if I'll see you but I know that wherever you are, you will be the brightest star to shine. The blade which would take me to you felt cold to the touch, I placed the sharp object onto my thin wrists, cutting into the flesh. My heart was now torn in half, the crimson blood oozed from the wound. The stinging pain was nothing compared to the loss of you. My life essence seemed to slip away with every passing second; I knew that I was ready to be with you, I knew this was the right choice. My friends and family would understand, they would find my peaceful corpse with the dried blood present on my wrist, the scars which took me to you.

For some strange reason, it felt good. This liquid which seeped through the gash was a process of escape. I would now be free from this world where I didn't belong without you. So I know when I do see you, I will love every perfect thing about you. Your laugh, smile, eyes, skin and love. I felt my vision fade as I thought of you as I took my last breath. I will be alive again with you, my angel.


End file.
